I have been trying to quit for a long time.But try as hard as I can, the habit just sticks.. No respite.. as soon as there is a feeling that I have nothing to do.. my fingers twitch and my eyes dart for the nearest shop with the tell tale signs of death and disease being sold away aplomb. Yes I am talking about the stick with a burning end that slowly eats away the life just as it burn itself down. Sounds a little melodramatic eh?
My introduction to the post sounds cliche.. I myself have heard it so many times and have thought earlier, weak are those people who say so.. with no self control. (Look at me I sure have the control to stop things as soon as I want to at least that WAS what I thought).. Its a bit disconcerting when I find myself in the same position which I had so looked down upon earlier.. I just cannot quit, whenever I try to do so.. someone within me just starts finding reasons why I should carry on, as it is today, and try my vow the next day, which sadly never comes..
It has been so many times that I desperately decided that enough is enough, now is the time to prove to myself that I have the power to quit as I please.. The first days are easy, because the resolve remains strong.. but as soon as the day lingers on and moves on to the next, the resolve starts wavering..
I never felt any physical need for a smoke, it always seems to be in the mind.. the leisure time to be spent watching the smoke curl out of your own countenance.. what happens if I do not smoke, does my body feel weak or my head spins naah nothing.. physically I do not feel a thing.. its just the emptiness that kills me, it is just the feel of the the soft stick in my fingers and the feel of the smoke curling out of my mouth, that's what lures me.
Everyday when I go to sleep, I vouch to myself that I will spend a smoke free day tomorrow, but it has never happened..
But I am still trying.. and try I will till I actually achieve it.. that's the next big challenge for me.. I plan to keep a count of the number of cigarettes that I smoke each day.. hope to see a consistent zero.. some day..
Adieu..
My introduction to the post sounds cliche.. I myself have heard it so many times and have thought earlier, weak are those people who say so.. with no self control. (Look at me I sure have the control to stop things as soon as I want to at least that WAS what I thought).. Its a bit disconcerting when I find myself in the same position which I had so looked down upon earlier.. I just cannot quit, whenever I try to do so.. someone within me just starts finding reasons why I should carry on, as it is today, and try my vow the next day, which sadly never comes..
It has been so many times that I desperately decided that enough is enough, now is the time to prove to myself that I have the power to quit as I please.. The first days are easy, because the resolve remains strong.. but as soon as the day lingers on and moves on to the next, the resolve starts wavering..
I never felt any physical need for a smoke, it always seems to be in the mind.. the leisure time to be spent watching the smoke curl out of your own countenance.. what happens if I do not smoke, does my body feel weak or my head spins naah nothing.. physically I do not feel a thing.. its just the emptiness that kills me, it is just the feel of the the soft stick in my fingers and the feel of the smoke curling out of my mouth, that's what lures me.
Everyday when I go to sleep, I vouch to myself that I will spend a smoke free day tomorrow, but it has never happened..
But I am still trying.. and try I will till I actually achieve it.. that's the next big challenge for me.. I plan to keep a count of the number of cigarettes that I smoke each day.. hope to see a consistent zero.. some day..
Adieu..
